Morning! Wow, got up early again today but obviously yesterday all earliness went out of the window after two WHOLE days at work.

So, yes I survived and it was loads better than I thought I would be. YAY and BIG smiles from me. The reason I haven't blogged is because I've been thinking about other things. Which is another good thing as it means less blog therapy is needed right now.

The Oxfam office is tiny but I've worked in small offices before and as long as the people are nice (!) then I like them. There are two paid members of staff and another volunteer (all male which is another bonus!) who make lots of jokes and are very funny. I laugh at their jokes and try to be funny as well but think I have used up my stock of amusing stories already.

One thing I really like is that they are very good at including me in everything - inviting me to meetings and including me in what's going on - so I feel part of the team. So although obviously I am a volunteer, I don't feel like one. Another good thing is that when I've done voluntary work in the past I've been quite bitter about the people around me who are getting paid for doing a very similar job to the one I'm doing. But now I'm not worried about that because I realise the good it's doing me and most importantly that my confidence has increased and I feel more 'alive' than I've felt in ages.

My task is to promote the Oxfam Unwrapped Christmas catalogue in the local media and link it to Oxfam's Essential Services campaign which explains how implementing basis services can 'Make Poverty History'. I wonder if I'm allowed to write about this on here? Anyway, just as we (the UK) lifted ourselves out of poverty in the early 20th Century with clean water, sewerage, free education and free health care so the developing world can escape poverty too.

I still haven't done that much work - there's just too much fun to be had chatting! But I did write a media strategy for my campaign which is something I've never done before. I haven't had feedback on it yet but I hope it's OK. I found it a really useful exercise as it enabled me to focus on my task and plan my time. Neither of which are my strong points. The scary bit of the job is ringing journalists. I am petrified of this especially as I seem to cough so much more when I work. I wonder why this is? And when I'm coughing a lot and clearing my throat I remember that maybe journalism and having to speak to people on the phone all day long isn't really the ideal job.

Um, maybe I just have to accept that I am not cut out for the media world. But then as is clear with my blog, I'm quite into self-promotion and yesterday my day was made by my text being read out on Simon Mayo's Five Live programme which led to a whole new avenue in the discussion. :) That's the second time I've had a text read out on Five Live recently. Also, this morning they mentioned my email (although not my name) which clarified the BBC's slack journalism. (That the Browns' didn't press release the news about their son having cf but responded to a story which was broken on the Sun online last night.)

Anyway, I've been told by my Oxfam manager to make the project my own and use my initiative, but what is that?? One of my previous bosses said I didn't use it which was perfectly true and it's a well-known fact that I really have to force it out and prefer to be told what to do. So, maybe I should get a job in a call centre? But then I'd have my toilet breaks timed and wouldn't be able to chat and have fun. Looks like I better take some uber-confidence pills and hope the journalists on the end of the phone are as rubbish as I was.

Hurrah! I survived. And I even had fun and more amazingly am still awake. I'm not sure how many hours I actually worked but I was there for the whole day sitting at a desk with a computer, phone, paper, a multitude of information sources and some pens doing a very good job of looking like I was busy! I made sure I had a good hour for lunch and two other people from the office graced me with their presence as they don't normally take lunch. I was invited to a meeting in Manchester and a Christmas meal and also to a training event in Oxford. But I'm going to go now because I don't want to overdo as the real work starts tomorrow.

I've been more awake today but I haven't achieved a great deal i.e. nothing. I've tried that 'feet on floor, legs walk thing' but I just say "No" to myself which isn't exactly helpful. I'm quite sad that this trick didn't work as it looked so good in theory and I had visions of a lazy me being turned into some highly efficient robot who could be instructed around the house to do all sorts of good deeds: put hands under tap, get them wet and wash up; or feet walk to hoover, hands plug in hoover and feet walk around room with hoover hoovering up. In my head I had this vision that I would tell myself these commands and I'd do them - simple, all my problems solved. In fact, this solution was so good that because I was being ordered around robot-style it wouldn't even feel like I was doing these tasks. I didn't account for a pesky me throwing a spanner in the works.

I've resorted to blogging in the hope that it can motivate me to function, as sometimes happens. The theory goes that by writing down and publishing my uselessness, I will be so ashamed of myself that I leap off the sofa and propel myself out of the house so I can take part in the world which exists outside these four walls. Again another good theory, the problem as ever is me.

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. Sudden desire to be normal has lead to me running before I can walk. Sorry for the abundance of cliches recently but my brain is extremely overworked right now. My weeks have gone from containing a few Noodle walks, and before that, me attempting to go into college for a couple of afternoons, to me agreeing to go into the Oxfam office next Monday and Tuesday for 9.30am and work at least an EIGHT hour day!!

I don't want to be too negative but last night I was reminded of the exhaustion that used to blight my life when I was working, and I hated feeling like that. And today, the old zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz me has returned: sleeping through my alarm; falling asleep on the sofa all afternoon; legs like lead; head lolling; eyes heavy...

I'm allowing myself ONE day like this. Tomorrow I must go swimming and pick up the momentum for Monday, eek!

I didn't blog yesterday as it was my first afternoon at the Beehive Fairtrade Shop. I was only there for three hours (which is a long time for me but a short time in the world of work) but was soooo exhausted afterwards. I felt like I'd been in a boxing ring all afternoon [insert any other appropriate cliche which would leave me almost passed-out-like on the sofa for the rest of the evening].

In work terms I didn't really do that much, the shop isn't exactly buzzing with customers hence the volunteer-ness of my job, but it was more than enough for me. I learnt how to use the till - scary at first but then quite fun although I did get a bit panicky that I'd charged people the wrong amount. (There was no evidence for this but, well, me and the whole responsibility thing don't really go.) I also learnt how to use a price gun (no need for hi-tech bar codes here) which, again, after a few teething problems was sooo much fun to use. You have to manually change the rubber number stamps for the different product amounts and then you just zap away.

But amidst all this excitement I was also freezing and spent the second half of the afternoon practically sitting on the heater. I couldn't understand why I was so cold as I had lots of layers on and haven't been feeling the cold recently - then I realised that I'd been standing up for most of the time. No wonder my body was so cold and tired especially as I'd had to really concentrate on learning new things.

Luckily I had a lovely long sleep to recover. Well, it was a longish sleep but one which included some of my craziest, freakiest dreams ever. Ho, hum.

It's Monday morning, just and here I am blogging away. I am still trying to be more efficient but, er, true to form my week hasn't started off as efficiently as I'd like. Part of the reason for this is that I got up ridiculously, ridiculously early yesterday to go and watch H's friend race a huge engined buggy-type car thing around a sandy track. When I first got there, I was wondering what I was doing at a race meeting so early in the morning, and through choice. My body was still very confused about being up so early and seeing the sun so low in the east of the sky. Um, probably best not to speculate as to when I last saw a just risen sun but it was a good experience and I think that yesterday was the first time in a very, very long time that I was up to see the (almost) rising and setting sun. It should've done wonders for my S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder) which, of course, I've diagnosed myself.

The racing was actually quite fun (I'm whispering this because I don't want any of my green friends to disown me...) and getting up early even meant that we got home and there was time to do other things. Other things being things where little activity is required such as lying on the sofa snuggled under a blanket and listening to music and dancing by moving my feet and toes around, or reading the paper.

***Newsflash***The Oxfam guy just rang me, thanks to the party and him being a friend of Vanessa's. I know it shouldn't be like this but it is. Contacts, contacts it just makes things sooooo much easier. He's very friendly but I think I came across as being a bit too desperate in thanking him for calling me back and for leaving me a message... "Thank you, thank you kind sir, I am really honoured that you, you great Oxfam person are ringing me. I will bow down in your presence and polish your vegetarian, fair trade shoes." Or something like that.

He keeps asking me what I'm doing now and I mumble and say, er, I'm doing some freelance work. "Didn't you get my wonderfully amazing cv which proves I'm totally over-qualified for volunteering?" Or not as the case may be. I know I've said this before on here but I seem to be mumbling (lying) about what I'm doing quite a bit recently. I just hope I don't get rumbled and they want to take me on as a volunteer and I'm OK at it. (I'm sure he's far too busy to try and Google me and there's no way to link me and this on the web. Luckily I didn't put the web address on my cv, this time!)

My big fear though is what happens if they take me on and I'm rubbish at it and get sacked? Can you get sacked from volunteering? Maybe I've forgotten how to work or at least how to work in a team (to be honest it was never my strong point)? So in normal me-fashion, solving one problem just leads to one hundred more. The standard Oxfam thing is for a volunteering commitment of two days a week for six months which I said I could do and I also said I could start straight away, but obviously didn't want to appear too much of a desperado (it's a difficult balance). So we meet up on Wednesday and I guess I should just take it from there rather than jump ahead to a million and one potential problems which may or may not arise.

I know this colour is gross but I like it. ;)

Ohh look I've just found out that I can write in different colours. Have I always been able to do this or is it a new beta feature? Oh dear, another example of incredibly slow me. Also I can change fonts and do all kinds of exciting things (well actually that's about it really).

I went to the supermarket the other day after being inspired by environment minister Ben Bradshaw telling people to leave their packaging there. After reading about journalists doing it, I thought I'd try it too. I didn't have that many over-packaged things but it's amazing how good it makes you feel (well me, anyway) to take your fairtrade bananas out of their stupid plastic packaging and leave it by the checkout. (I know it wasn't exactly a large protest but you've got to start somewhere.) The supermarket attendant didn't say anything and as I left she just put it in a bag by her till which made me think she is quite used to this practice.

This is a call to arms, boys and girls, to remove the packaging for over-packaged goods (after you've bought them) to let the supermarkets know that we don't want it. Now I'm planning a trip to Tescos just so I can empty out everything and leave a huge pile of plastic packets and bags and cardboard labels in my wake.

And if you think it won't work, the following is from a recent Friends of the Earth email:

Finally "to warm your hearts“ here is what top BBC political correspondent Nick Robinson said in his comments in the BBC studio immediately after the Queen's Speech. "People often say does anything change politics? Well it has here. Friends of the Earth did a rising campaign for a climate change bill, ministers pooh poohed the idea. "What is the point of a bill�" they said. "Nonsense, it wouldn't be worth the paper it is written on." David Cameron then adopted it as his key theme. Menzies Campbell's first big policy announcement was on green taxes and ministers gradually have said: "Okay a Bill."

HURRAH! Go people power.

YAY! I survived the week and even had H at home today to keep me company but I've returned to blogging from the sofa as I have a very unhappy back. Apart from that, things are looking up, I went to my first FLASH (Focus Learning And Self Help) session yesterday and they were really pleased with the homework I'd done and the goals I'd set myself. (Instead of talking about my problems, they encourage and help me to 'do' stuff. By doing stuff, miraculously, I feel better because I'm not stressing, worrying and being grumpy.) My main goal is to get up at at 9am and to do my medicine by 10. That might seem like a not too seemingly difficult task but I seem to have considerable trouble with it. My other goals include going swimming at least once a week, which I have actually achieved and ringing and emailing friends which I haven't.

FLASH has a lot of self-help leaflets for you to browse while you are waiting, one of them is called, "How to activate yourself'" and it includes my favourite ever self-help tip on how to get you out of a depressive cycle and start doing things again. It says, "If you have difficulty getting down to a particular activity, tell your body in detail what to do. 'Get on with it,' is too vague. 'Legs, walk. Hand, pick up pen. Now write.'"

I love that. I shall it out now. "Toes uncurl, foot stretch out, leg and foot move forward, other leg and foot move forward, lift up back, put down computer and put hands on sofa, lift up on arms and move feet one at a time, propel forward and err, tidy up the mess I've just made."

Why am I online checking when the swimming pool is open when I know what time the swimming pool is open and have already planned my trip there? I even have the car today so there is really no excuse and yet here I am busily trying to find one.

Anyway a big YAY for the Queen's speech for including a climate change bill, heavily campaigned for by Friends of the Earth and other green types. Let's hope the government now sets tough targets.

On other campaigns (I know I'm a bit late with this), you can click here to ask Starbucks to stop bullying Ethiopian coffee farmers.

For every cup of coffee sold by coffee chains, farmers in countries like Ethiopia earn about three cents. Yet the coffee industry makes billions of dollars – Starbucks alone has already made more than $5.8 billion this year. To give its 15 million farmers a better cut of the profit, the Ethiopian government has asked Starbucks to sign an agreement that recognises Ethiopia's legal ownership of the names of its coffees. Despite its much-publicised commitments to farming communities, Starbucks has not taken the Ethiopian request seriously.

By owning the rights to its fine coffee names, Ethiopia can help its farmers negotiate a better price, potentially increasing income for the country’s coffee industry by an estimated $88 million a year. This would help lift millions of farmers and their families out of poverty, helping them to send their children to school and access healthcare.

As part of the campaign you should also boycott Starbucks, which I'm sure you are already doing purely for the reason that you don't want every high street in the country to look exactly the same. Yes, I know Starbucks makes the yummiest cappuccinos but they are also a big, huge multinational (equals evil) and should be avoided at all costs. As usual I am being my normal hypocritical self but I have vastly cut down my visits from a time when I could only survive work by knowing there would be a cappuccino waiting for me at the end of it

While you're feeling all politically-campaigning-like click here to sign the petition calling for an investigation into the murder of Anna Politkovskaya. She was a reporter for the Russian paper Novaya Gazeta and was murdered in Moscow on 7 October.

I'm currently doing a good impression of the princess and the pea - except, of course, I'm not a princess and there are no peas involved. Apart from that, it is quite an apt description. Realising finally that sitting on the sofa with a laptop perched on your, erm, lap is not conducive to work. I decided to decamp to the breakfast bar as we don't have a dining room table (we eat Japanese style on a table made my H's very own hand) or anything functional like that.

However I now realise that the breakfast bar is too high and although it has high stools to go with it, they are not high enough for me and my poor little back is not a happy back at all. Hence the reason for me sitting here on top of six cushions carefully placed on the top of the stool. In fact my back is letting me know in it's friendly kind of way that I probably shouldn't stay in this position for too long so I think I'll say goodnight. But I will just say hurrah for satellites orbiting around the world which allowed me to speak to my friend Rob in Australia this morning. I will work out the time difference so I'll be able to call you one day Rob, honestly.

I was looking forward to today as my busy, busy day. As it turned out, it really wasn't very busy at all which just goes to show how unbusy my life is normally.

Firstly I'm surprised to say that setting an alarm clock and using it to help you get up in the morning actually works. Yep, I know it's amazing. So I got up and went to see the local mental health team. The person I saw was very good and even gave me homework to complete for Thursday. Another shock is that I have to help myself but it looks as if I will get the support I need to set goals for myself and improve my day-to-day situation.

Then this afternoon, I went to see the people at a little fair trade shop up the road about volunteering. It's a cute little shop and for a good cause too but most importantly it will get me out of the house and feeling like I am doing something productive. The lady wanted to know all about me so I mumbled some stuff about what I'd been doing over the past few years as if it had all taken place more recently! She was quite nice and at the end asked me if I wanted to volunteer. I said I did and she then said: "I think we want you". Me being an oversensitive type put all the emphasis on think and with a droopy mouthed expression to myself (which I'm becoming aware, I do far too much) thought, they only think they want me, don't they think I'm amazing and why aren't they jumping at the chance to have me work for them for free.

I have realised recently that I have this strange ambivalence to myself. On the one hand I don't like myself but when it comes to applying for jobs I think I'm brilliant and everyone should want to employ me. Weird, huh?

My new 'getting up early' regime started today. I know we've been here before but this time I'm going to try and keep it up. (Even though when H woke me up this morning I told him to go away and that the new regime wasn't starting until tomorrow!)

Anyway, I've decided that it's important to try and continue my weekend busyness (thanks to the Leeds Film Festival) and so far, so good.

I've done quite good housewifery things today like hoovering and shopping and all was going well. Until that is, I embarked on the cooking aspect of a housewife's life. We had some lovely organic chicken and I wrote down the recipe for a 'simple' curry before setting off with my shopping bags to buy some of the missing ingredients.

I started to cook early because I wanted to go to a Friends of the Earth meeting at 7.30pm (well I sort of wanted to go but mostly didn't because I hadn't done everything I was meant to do). Anyway, I started cooking at about 6pm thinking that it would give me enough time - it didn't but I'm not too sad that I'm staying in tonight. I tried really hard to follow the recipe and only made a few slight errors with the spices (OK I read teaspoon as tablespoon but it's an easy mistake to make and I'm sure lots of people do it).

But that was the least of my worries and whole thing quickly turned into a disaster - it had a tasteless (I'm not sure what happened to all my gallons of spices, maybe they cancelled each other out?) and at the same time burnt taste (apparently there is a crucial difference between brown onions and burnt onions). After nearly an hour and a half of cooking it was way too watery which I tried to rectify with a swift boiling-off manoeuvre which the book handily suggested in its 'mishaps' section. It didn't mention that this was a bad idea if you have chicken and so our lovely happy chicken took on an un-appetising leathery quality. Yep, all in all a dinner disaster.

The thing that gets me most is that I did actually try quite hard to make a nice meal, I wasn't in a slap-dash 'we haven't got any onions so I'll just use some garlic' cooking mood. Also, all my recent kitchen endeavours seems to turn out terribly (except strangely enough when I make sweet chocolately things). The other day there was a mushroom soup disaster. Which actually makes today's culinary exercise seem not so terrible as it was actually edible, although to give H his credit he did eat the soup which is more than I can say for me.

And it's not as if this is the only thing I've suddenly become rubbish at. On Saturday, for example, I got in the car and started driving down the WRONG side of the road???! Luckily H was there to point out my mistake, but you have to ask what IS going on in my brain? Or more to the point do I still have a brain?

I don't know how to describe my current pattern of moods. I would say they're crazy or it's complete madness but then that would be enough to describe one part of it - it's more than that, maybe surreal is a good word.

Anyway the good, great news is that I've had a good weekend. Something that I thought was impossible on Friday. But yet again, my mood has been turned on its head. From feeling so desperate on Thursday and Friday and being unable to leave the house during the day, I have had a fine, 'normal' weekend. To all intents and purposes I have had more energy this weekend and been more sociable than usual which is a pretty surreal experience to say the least. If I told people I met yesterday what I'd been like on Friday I doubt they would've believed it. And even for me this weekend it seems hard to comprehend that I can have two consecutive but so totally different days.

How can one day I be so disabled (because that's what I was) by depression one day to being pretty much normal the next? How can someone feel so differently, seemingly at the flick of a switch and for no apparent reason? One day I'm a depressed zombie acting and feeling as if an evil force has taken over my body and the next I'm able to function and enjoy things as if I'd been happy and functioning all week. Well, I don't know and I don't understand it but I hope my mood doesn't yo-yo again and my good mood continues into next week.

If you keep running away
you get to a point
where you don't need
to run away anymore
because you're lost

God, I'm having a rubbish day. Another one. I really hate my life but just don't have the energy or imagination to change it. (The swimming honeymoon is over.) There are a couple of things I've set up for next week which might change things but as usual I'll pin too much hope on them and will be left feeling even more disappointed. I'm praying. I don't believe in God, but surely there must be something, surely there must be some reason why I'm going through all this. Life has to have a purpose, doesn't it? There must be a reason for all this pain?

I guess I'll just have to pick myself up, again. But what life is this? Just picking yourself up, again and again. Everything an effort, a mammoth effort. Yes, there are good times but they're not worth THIS.

Yesterday I had salmon and extra cod liver oil. You're probably thinking that's a weird sentence but cod liver oil is the new miracle cure I came up with a few weeks ago when I was on the train, it doesn't seem to be working so well now though. (Then again, we live in hope and I've just swallowed a couple of cod liver oil tablets to try and buck up my mood.)

The theory started something like this... It's not at all original by the way. I was reading (I can concentrate better now) an article about how Omega 3 can help children with behavioural difficulties and I started thinking that I started feeling better in April, a million times better, why? I was taking zinc, and cod liver oil for my stomach and I was feeling better than I'd felt in ages. What could've made me better? The meds or because I was enjoying college more, had started my blog and the sun was shinning. Of course I could be wrong but as I was reading the article I thought about how I'd stopped taking cod liver oil over the summer (my stomach was much better and I'm not very good at taking meds if there are no symptoms) and I had been much more depressed and mood-swingy but, of course, I also didn't have structure to my day as I wasn't at college. So I'd found a correlation between the two, whether or not they are related is another thing. The week I came up with this theory I was also feeling better, and I wondered why? Could it be because I'd had two recent fish meals?

In the past I've been red meat mad and my favourite meal was roast dinner now I much prefer fish. Are my changing tastes my body's way of trying to tell me something? Or is it because I don't like eating animals anymore, especially lambs after you've seen them cutely frolicking in the fields. On that recent Stephen Fry programme about manic depression, he interviewed a doctor who was controlling her illness purely by eating lots of fish. I also remember a Horizon programme a year or so ago about the benefits of people with depression being given Omega 3 supplements. See I told you it wasn't an original idea but it does make sense, apparently our diet today is rich in Omega 6 oils which knocks out the Omega 3 and Omega 3 is needed for serotonin uptake. And guess what? Lack of serotonin equals depression.

So it's got to be worth a shot, especially as I don't think it can do any harm.

But damn, I've done it again. I've managed to dredge us some fighting spirit when I just wanted to escape from it all. Why do I always do that?

It's not all bad. Here are some cool photos from Saturday. All credits to my sister, photographer extraordinaire.

Spot the difference.

Surfing's cool but climate change most certainly ain't.

A mermaid out of water. You might've seen her on the front of The Sunday Times, see I told you my photographer was good.

In Trafalgar Square with my eyes closed for some reason. (Oh and some people shooting a weird film behind me...)

I watched David Attenborough's Planet Earth last night and couldn't believe that the polar bear died. For anyone who didn't see it, a polar bear died. I'd heard some of his battle with the walruses beforehand on the radio but I thought being a big strong polar bear and them being little walruses (I didn't realise how massive they were until I saw them next to the polar bear) he'd get something to eat. There were lots of walruses and only one bear, it just seems so unfair. I know it happens all the time in nature: that's what life is; animals kill each other to live and those that can't kill or find food die. Survival of the fittest and all that. The polar bear hadn't been able to get any dinner and was injured in his fight with walruses. He knew then that he was going to die, he curled up in the snow and made a little nest for himself and went to sleep.

It was especially sad after he'd swam for two days to try and get some food and even more sad that the reason he had to swim so far and wear himself out is because of us and our use of carbon which has heated up the earth and made the ice caps melt. Grrrr. Humans make me so angry, and sad.

I know lots more polar bears are going to die because of us and if it takes images of cute polar bears dying for us to stop and think about what we're doing then I suppose that's a good thing. But I just don't have the faith in human nature. I don't think people care enough. I know they don't care enough. They just think about themselves and their little world. Like I do. How many blogs have I devoted to myself? To my life. I'm just one person but like a lot of other people, I think the world resolves around me.

I went on the climate change march in London on Saturday. There were speeches beforehand about how we CAN make a difference and how it's not too late. But I just can't convince myself. There were about 20,000 people on the march, more than expected, but there were about 150,000 on the biggest anti-war march I went on and what difference did that make?

I haven't been posting so much recently as I'm trying to be more active. Yep I know it's a bit of a shock from the one whose sofa has become an extension of her body. It first started when I filled in a form from the council about how much exercise I do. I thought with my cycling up to the shops and err, well that's about it. That my exercise levels were quite good, definitely better than they have been in the past (to my shame). What I actually found was that you're meant to do 30 minutes of exercise three times a week which I was no way doing and my score, if there had've been one, would be very low.

There's no reason why I can't do more exercise, it's just laziness on my behalf and in the past complicated explanations about why I don't have to do exercise. Don't ask. But I think I've managed to put that particular piece of mentalness behind me.

Also, I went to see my GP on Tuesday, she told me that I really should be doing more exercise purely from a depression point of view as there are loads of studies that prove how it helps. I remembered a time at uni when I got into a habit of going to the gym and not only did I feel better but I also felt in control of my health.

So I'm thinking, Yes, I really must do some more exercise, especially as I'm not walking Noodle anymore, but the inertia that is me was still not doing anything about it. Then my sister rang, she told me she was going swimming that afternoon and why didn't I go although unfortunately it wouldn't be with her as she was hundreds of miles away. I ummed and ahhed and complained that if I was to go I'd have to cycle up a hill to get there and that was far too much exercise for me so I said I would go but not today. My sister asked me what else I had planned for that afternoon, to which obviously, I said I had nothing organised. She laid down the law when she found out how near the pool is to my house and said I had to go.

I looked on the website and found that there was a lunchtime swimming session, I packed my swimming stuff and psyched myself up to go...

Then I got distracted from my task ahead and started listening to the radio and resting on the sofa. Grrrrrrrrr, I hate myself. What is wrong with me?

But I'd had enough, last Friday had been awful and I needed to break my cycle of moodswings. I HAD to change and become a person I didn't despise. I planned to go to the next public swimming session at four and I knew I must go.

So off I set and I realised the hill wasn't half as steep as it had been in my head and I arrived at the swimming pool not too exhausted and able to do some swimming. Shockingly I've never been swimming there before and the pool was actually really nice, although it might not have been as good as I thought as I didn't have my glasses on! But I had a good swim and felt amazing afterwards, better than I'd felt in ages. Yay for my sister for making me go swimming and yay for the swimming pill.