I was looking forward to today as my busy, busy day. As it turned out, it really wasn't very busy at all which just goes to show how unbusy my life is normally.

Firstly I'm surprised to say that setting an alarm clock and using it to help you get up in the morning actually works. Yep, I know it's amazing. So I got up and went to see the local mental health team. The person I saw was very good and even gave me homework to complete for Thursday. Another shock is that I have to help myself but it looks as if I will get the support I need to set goals for myself and improve my day-to-day situation.

Then this afternoon, I went to see the people at a little fair trade shop up the road about volunteering. It's a cute little shop and for a good cause too but most importantly it will get me out of the house and feeling like I am doing something productive. The lady wanted to know all about me so I mumbled some stuff about what I'd been doing over the past few years as if it had all taken place more recently! She was quite nice and at the end asked me if I wanted to volunteer. I said I did and she then said: "I think we want you". Me being an oversensitive type put all the emphasis on think and with a droopy mouthed expression to myself (which I'm becoming aware, I do far too much) thought, they only think they want me, don't they think I'm amazing and why aren't they jumping at the chance to have me work for them for free.

I have realised recently that I have this strange ambivalence to myself. On the one hand I don't like myself but when it comes to applying for jobs I think I'm brilliant and everyone should want to employ me. Weird, huh?