Why am I such a freak? I thought I was better but I’m obviously not better at all. Last night, I got that sinking feeling and all my confidence just drained out of me. It didn’t help that I look pregnant (thanks to my stupid CF stomach).

The good thing is that I seem to recover from these mood swings much quicker than I used to and I have been more sociable recently and coped with situations that would have previously stressed me out, to put a positive spin on it.

I’ve realised today that I can’t blame the size of my house for me being messy. Nor the fact that I’m doing an art course (but there’s just so much paint and pastels and paper). Or even that I just have too many things, because my sister manages to keep a studio flat tidy and she has loads and loads of stuff — she’s just very organised and keeps everything neatly tidied away in boxes.

In the past, I tried to blame CF for me being messy — there’s just so much medicine in bottles and boxes and blister packs, as well as inhalers and pills and insulin pens that need to be used all the time. But I’m realising that I can’t blame CF for everything and have to take some responsibility for myself. So I've decided what everyone who knows me has known for years... I’m just a mess.

Or maybe What-A-Mess in human form. (Is that libel?)

P.S. Happy Birthday Elf!!

As I've been feeling so bouncy these last few days, I decided to bounce down to London to see my sister as it's her birthday tomorrow. Hurrah!

There were loads of business people on the train going back to the Big Smoke and it made me feel quite weird that I used to be part of that working world. Now, I just go to college for a few hours a week and do fun things like painting and drawing and making mini-films. (Which I've been doing today although, me being me, I thought I'd be able to knock-up a five minute video in an afternoon, which is erm...surprisingly not the case.)

Anyway, starting this blog has made me realise that I really miss writing. Not the news-hound stuff which I was always rubbish at 'cos I hated pressing people, and I don't even think it's the articles, it's more the discipline of writing to a word count(ish), trying to make sentences sound pretty and eek, maybe this is going a bit far, the deadlines. At least posting everyday means I have to write something and that makes me feel like I've achieved lots. :)

Today I finally received my prescription from Holland which I have been desperate for. Everyday for the past two weeks or so, I have been eagerly awaiting the postman's arrival and everyday been disappointed. So you'd think that I'd be wildly ecstatic today, but, me being me, it's not that simple.

At the beginning of March, I went to Holland to see if a holistic doctor could find out why I am so exhausted all the time, as my CF team say all their tests come back fine and there's nothing wrong with me. They say it's caused by my depression which is complete rubbish because even when I was really depressed I was never that tired.

Anyway, I'd been doing loads of research with the help of my friend Emmie and decided I had hypothyroidism as it causes extreme fatigue and loads of other symptoms including low body temperature. (My average morning temp is 36.1 degrees Celsius.)

And guess what? I was right. The results from Holland showed that my T3 levels were low as was my T3/T4 ratio (T3 and T4 are thyroid hormones). This was the best news I'd heard in ages because I KNEW there was something wrong with me. Although I'd had my thyroid tested in Leeds, there's a lot of criticism of the current UK policy on thyroid testing and a petition has just been sent to Tony Blair calling on him to improve it. (For info check out Thyroid UK or Thyroid Patient Advocacy Group)

The irony is, if the Dutch doctor had been more efficient I would probably already have already started taking the hormone supplement and would've thought that the new full-of-energy-me was due to this. So now my question is, what's made me feel better? Because again, I am having a highly productive day (for me, anyway).

So, is it blog therapy? My very relaxing Easter holidays made even longer by missing college at the end of last term? The zinc tablets or cod liver oil I've just started taking? The sun finally coming out? Or something else...? A miracle?

Writing this blog really helped me feel better yesterday as I was able to vent my grumpiness and put a positive spin on it at the same time. :)

Before, I would have written down how rubbish I was feeling without it making me feel any better. In fact, I'd probably be feeling worse because I'd link how I was feeling with dredged up memories that would add to my feelings of rubbishness and then my negative thoughts would start to suffocate me and I'd think that life was conspiring against me! As you can see, not exactly a normal way of looking at things.

So anyway, I made it to college again (only one hour and half late) and the really good thing is that neither today nor yesterday did I feel so painfully exhausted the whole time. Maybe I'm tempting fate by mentioning this but I have been able to do more things over the past week and have been feeling more awake. Usually it's difficult for me to move from the sofa, and it's not me being lazy, it's like I'm magnetized to the sofa and it takes all my effort for me to break the attraction and get up. But recently, I've been able to get up from the sofa and cook, or wash up, or hang washing out without it being an overwhelmingly enormous effort. Yay!

Had a few problems posting earlier and so if anyone tuned in this arvo, you might've seen four or five copies of my latest blog. Whoops!

Last night I started panicking about how I was going to keep up the standard of my blog, because apparently some of it is quite funny. (Much funnier than I normally am, Henry says.)

Anyway today, I've had a rubbish day so I'm not bothered about being funny anymore. Also, because I've told lots of people about my blog (in a fit of wild excitement and rare confidence), I feel like I can't moan away. Maybe I should start another anonymous blog where I could just grump away all day but that wouldn't be in the spirit of my blogging which aims to pay homage to Angel. And I do feel like it'd be a shame to revert back to the grumpy me because being bouncy and happy is actually quite fun.

Of course, I could (this might come as a shock to people who know me well) try and make the most of my day. I could write how I actually managed to get up like a normal person and make it to college, how I cycled there, how I was pleased to see people and how on the way home, the verges were being mown and freshly cut grass is my favourite smell.

Hurrah!! We've just picked up our first Freecycle item. Freecycle is definitely the way forward as items are not only free but recycled too. And in the case of our "white chipboard bookcase, bit chipped but sturdy", I'm certain that without freecycle it would be on route to landfill.

If you don't know about Freecycle.org then check it out. There are groups all over the UK so find your nearest one and then after registering (which is pretty easy) just post a message saying what the item is you don't want anymore and where you live. People then email you if they want it and you can decide who to give it to. Then you arrange a time and they come and pick it up, simple. Pets can be advertised but not people, I'm afraid.

We've given away an old hoover and some magazines - as you can see, really high value items. Other people do put on things like books, computers and bikes and there was even a car once, we're just more stingy! However we have never taken an item before. I've just thought that maybe it's because there was no competition this time!

Oh well, Happy end of Easter holidays :( Back to school for me tomorrow. x

**STOP PRESS**
Umm... slight important thing that I forgot to mention...

Today is Earth Day, so here's my top tip on how you can reduce your ecological footprint.

Simply, buy recycled. There's no point recycling if you don't buy recycled products. It's called "closing the loop", y'know. Paper, toilet paper and kitchen roll are all convenient recycled products to buy. So what's stopping you?

Earthday.net has some top tips on what else you can do.

Happy Earth Day earthlings!!

In case you were wondering about my pose in the photo, it was taken last weekend at my cousin Becky's wedding. There I was dancing away when suddenly to my great excitement, "Let's Get Ready to Rhumble" starting playing and I (to my own and everyone else's surprise) started going crazy to the beautiful voices of PJ and Duncan.

Becky and Steve (her husband now, eek!) had selected loads of songs for a jukebox but (I've yet to tell them their grave error) had put on the playlist that "Let's Get Ready to Rhumble" was by Ant and Dec and as any true fan knows they sang it (and their whole first album) as their Byker Grove namesakes. So here I am doing my best "Psyche" move. Strangely and maybe even more worryingly, it is the only song I know all the words to! Yes really.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, don't worry you're not really missing out. Then again, there are some other PJ and Duncan classics you could also check out like "If I Give You My Number" and the equally renowned "She Scores a Perfect Ten."

Wow! More people are buying t-shirts and spreading the t-shirt word and all this awareness raising is making me feel really good! Who’d have thought it? No me sitting around being grumpy and complaining that I’m too tired to do anything today.

Why have I never thought about anyone except myself before? Oh, I’ve just realised that is a negative question directed at the past which I’ve been told not to do. Apparently, I should try and look forward instead. Can I just forget about the past? I'm not sure that I can but I’m definitely loving all the positiveness I’m feeling at the moment and feedback I’m getting.

Anyway, I better go and finish my essay now because I don’t really want to get kicked off my course. As much as I love blogging, I don’t think I can do it all day everyday.

My other top CF friend Emmie, who also helped design and promote the t-shirts and did all sorts of behind-the-scenes stuff that you need to do to get a t-shirt campaign up-and-running, texted me this morning and said that eight people had already gone from my blog to their Live life then give life website!

I was stupidly excited that people were actually reading my stuff, then I thought…Oh no, maybe it’s just me checking that the link works! But I don’t think I did it eight times, so hurrah to you blog reader(s)!

I’m meant to be limiting myself to one post a day because I’m miles behind with my college work but I just needed to say that I wouldn’t have started this blog if it wasn’t for my friend, the one and only (Pink) Angel. I needed to join blogger.com to reply to another of her wonderfully inspiring posts and then I thought…I’d like a blog too, and starting this blog is by far the most positive thing I have done in the last ten years or so. So hurrah for the Angelic one.

Like me, Angel has CF but unlike me she is waiting for a transplant and has already been on the list for over a year :(. Angel is really amazing and you can find out for yourself how amazing she is if you read her pink and smiley blog.

But being the pink, fluffy and smiley sort of person she is, (and luckily for me and everyone who knows me, some of that pink and smileyness is rubbing off onto me as I am more of a black, prickly and grumpy type!) she's designed some very pretty T-shirts to raise awareness for organ donation. So please (pretty please) visit her website Live life then give life and buy a t-shirt as they come highly recommended. :)

Thought for the day... The average person in the West eats 40% more food than they need. Eek!

This fact comes from my new favourite book, 500 Of The Most Important Health Tips You'll Ever Need, because, surprisingly enough, it gives loads of great tips on how to eat yourself better :). Unfortunately though it seems that all yummy foods containing chocolate, sugar, flour and caffeine can actually be quite bad for you :(.

Anyway, I dedicate this eating fact to my friend Rob who always tells me that I eat too much and eat MUCH too quickly. (I'm not very good at that chewing thing.) I've told him that people with Cystic Fibrosis are meant to eat lots but then again, maybe my huge balloon-like stomach is trying to tell me something.

One person who doesn't eat too much food (except Birthday cake, that is) is my Grandpa. Happy Birthday Grandpa 85 today. YAY! :)

I had a bet with someone I used to work with that I'd write a book by the time I was 30. I'm 28 now so I'm thinking that I'll be losing that hundred pounds. Unless I can argue my case that this counts as publishing a book. At least I'll be saving a few trees--which is very important to me. All I have to do now is write a few hundred pages. Does it matter if no one reads it?

Helloooooooooooooooooooo! And welcome to the world of Lucy :)