Quick question: When did Bristol City get so good?

Yes, I know I'm a rubbish fair, fair, fair weather supporter. When my dad texted me yesterday afternoon to tell me to switch on Radio Five Live, I didn't even know they were playing, let alone that the match was being broadcast on the radio. Yes, I realise it was Saturday and lots of football still happens on that day and probably if you'd pushed me, I might've remembered that it was an FA Cup weekend...but it's doubtful. Did I know Bristol City were still in the FA Cup? Pass.

You see, I've sort of forgotten about football over the past few years. In fact, it's upset me that something I was so passionate about in my teens - going to 'The Gate' (As in Ashton Gate, the City ground for those not tuned in to all matters Bristol City-related) as much as I could (I think my record was 11 matches in a season), listening to the matches on the radio, watching the goals on tv, buying the Evening Post for the match previews and reports, you get the idea.

Even when I was at Uni, I'd listen to the football round-up on the radio every Saturday but over the last ten years, I've completely lost all interest. I still listen to Five Live but whereas I would only ever listen to the sports programmes now I only ever listen to the non-sport programmes! So yesterday was exciting but it wasn't until this morning that I was really excited by my re-interest and enjoyment of football.

I got up early to make H porridge and some sandwiches for people attending the rallying day he'd organised, which I thought was especially good of me. It's not the most environmentally-friendly thing to do but it's to help raise money for children's charity NCH, so it's not all bad. But unbeknown to me, some of his friends who were going rallying suddenly came up for a cup of tea. Aaahh! Cue huge internal panic as the sitting room was a complete mess with newspapers spread across the floor (I'm sure anyone who knows me can imagine it) but not only that, I was sitting on the sofa in a dressing gown so not smelling or loooking so sweet.

But hurrah, my early-morning stress was dissolved by the happiness of watching Bristol City (League One) on Match of the Day, which I'd videoed last night. After a few dreadful mistakes in the first half including one which led to a fourth minute goal by Middlesbrough (two leagues above in the Premier League) and another one about twenty minutes later (well, they are still the Bristol City we all know and love), they staged a fantastic second-half come back and the 2-2 final score has earned them an FA Cup replay at Middlesbrough. Yay! Great Bristol City football on national TV and a full house at Ashton Gate. Must still be a City fan after all. Now what's their manager called again?

Thanks for the comments. :) Don't worry, I wasn't going to lie on the form. I've already learnt my lesson. The stress of not telling a previous employer about cf put paid to that. I struggled to hide my pills, tried to stifle my coughs and had to be mysterious about hospital appointments... A sure-fire recipe for getting ill.

But even so, the form completely freaked me out with all the information it requires: conditions (maybe cf AND diabetes will push me over the edge of being employable and it is cf-related diabetes which is totally different, isn't it??); referrals to consultants (what all of them, even dermatologists?); days unwell in the past 24 months; 'episodes' of illness in the last two years. You get the picture. Well, I explained it all yesterday. But what I was trying to say was that the whole thing seems wrong. Why should employers be able to see people's medical records? Anyone's? Everyone's? (Are those apostrophes right?)

Eek, eek, eek.

Umm...nothing too bad.

Just the small issue of the arrival of a medical form in the post today. And the other small issue that I haven't actually told anyone about my cf...

It's just that I started as a volunteer and was more worried about whether I'd have the energy for two days a week and before I knew it, I was managing just fine and then B started talking about this other job and me maybe having his and even then, I thought the whole thing was pretty unlikely...

I didn't have to fill in an application form or have any sort of interview. So while I skipped round the first few hurdles I still have one to confront. Unfortunately it's a rather big hurdle.

But surely they are breaking the Disability Discrimination Act if they don't give me the job now. It does say they will seek medical advice before making a decision with regards to a person's health and whether they are fit enough to do the job...And I couldn't see my consultant saying I'm not well enough as he always thinks I'm fine, even when I try and tell him otherwise! (I'm seeing the advantages now of all his positive reviews.)

The thing that really irritates me though is that I still don't understand why it's anything to do with them (or any employer, for that matter). I mean, why should they have to know about the health of all their employees? Obviously if I couldn't work for the next six months then it wouldn't be a good idea for them to give me the job. But as long as I can do the job (here's hoping and praying and keeping my fingers and toes and legs and everything that I can cross, crossed), does it matter how many pills I take during the day or what treatment I need or how many hospital admissions I've had? It just seems all a bit Victorian. Give me a trial, see how I go, if I'm not up to it then get rid of me. At least give me a chance.

Oooh how exciting...look I've managed to put this pretty Fairtrade-advert-type-thing on my blog. How clever am I? Not really. I know it's not very difficult but seeing as I'm trying to be more positive, I have to big-up everything I do right now.

Another thing I've realised is that I was right to blame my tools, as the deeper keys on my work computer make it much easier for me to type quickly without making so many mistakes. For example, I wrote the previous blog at work (It's OK I wasn't being naughty, it was about 6pm so I was there well after the time I should have been, and I am still only a volunteer) and was amazed by how much I'd written in such a short amount of time. It really is noticeable now as I type how I make a mistake at least every other word! In fact it's very infuriating. Ggrrr. But don't worry I won't let it dampen my good mood which is caused by the fact that I haven't been sacked yet.

Work is going quite well, although the sheer volume of projects I have been given and will have to juggle is slightly scary. In fact, it's amazing how quickly your perspective can change as to what a lot of work is. I went to a meeting last week and I thought having a week to do some work was a very short time and it led to a mild panic but now, a week seems positively ages. I am definitely going to have to learn some yoga and meditation to relax me in the evenings as my mind is buzzing with everything I have to do.

My terror at having to manage people has been eased slightly by realising that the people I have to manage are super keen and capable volunteers, so just need some support and so as far as managing people goes, should be easiest type. Also, thanks to my Grandpa giving me a book about bosses, called, "How to manage your boss in a week" (!) which as well as telling you how to manage your boss (which I needed in a past job), by implication, it also tells you what a good boss should be like, and that will, of course, be me. Thanks Grandpa!

I had a really quiet weekend as I started feeling a bit peeky on Friday. I worked (well not really worked, served a couple of people incredibly slowly as I tried to remember how to use the till) at the Beehive in the afternoon but was desperate to go home and lie down. As work at the Beehive isn't too strenuous I managed to get through and have a relaxing night. There was nothing really wrong with me - just typical man cf* type illnesses such as chest feeling a bit weird, glands up, and horrible taste in mouth.

It made me realise, again, that I really have no idea how other people with cf who have many more complications than me manage to do so much, eg Angel et al. *Marvel* Speaking of Angel after a couple of days off the ventilator she was put back on it last week but I'm sure, knowing her, she'll be off it again soon and breathing with her new lungs.

I did make it into work today and took part in a very interesting teleconference about trade. I have also been given some of the work I will be expected to do when I am employed. (Looks like there's no going back now.) And it includes some management of volunteers???!! If there's anything I am unqualified to do, then that's it. Oh well, I guess you've got to learn somewhere and somehow.

*a type of mild cf that occasionally manifests itself in a half-hearted type of way (fingers' crossed) which leaves the sufferer (me) complaining in a similar fashion to a man with the common cold i.e. lying on the sofa incapable of doing anything and making a big fuss about it.

Muchly re-writing and improving of cv has been going on. It's amazing how good you can make things sound! In fact, it's sooooooo much better now, I'm embarrassed by the rubbish I sent in before. Oh well, let's just hope it's what they want and I pass the first hurdle. One down, XXX to go. Always look on the bright side, that's what I say.

Oops! I forgot, I AM meant to be looking on the bright side and not worrying so much and accepting things as they are. Last week, I started writing a list of all the things I achieve in the day. In the past, I've been sceptical about this kind of self-help but I've found it really useful, especially on days when I sleep late and don't think I've done very much. Now, I realise that I have actually achieved things. When I say achieve, I just mean I've done things as in, I've washed up or cooked a meal or phoned someone or even blogged but achieve is so much more positive and we like positive, don't we?

After the champagne stopped flowing last night, I had my first rubbish night's sleep caused by me waking up and stressing lots about my new job. Oh the joys of being me!

I have to send the big boss person and the HR team my cv - let's hope they don't have too many second thoughts after seeing it! I had the choice of filling in an application form or sending my cv and thought the cv option would be the easier one to pass. But surely, they can't now un-give me the job can they??

Umm, somehow this has happened...

I've got a job!!!!

It's a three and a half day campaigning job at Ox in Leeds for the next six months. (There's probably rules about blogging about your place of work so think I'll have to be a bit criptic-like from now on.)

Ben's going on a secondment and they are replacing him with two lower grade campaigners, one of which is me!!

I knew it might happen last week but I thought I'd at least have to have an interview or something...apparently not!

It's all a bit surreal really. But YAY! Smiley me.

Fight the fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.

Well the news from here is pretty good. I've decided (purely because I really can't cope anymore with being grumpy and depressed the whole time) that I'm going to be HAPPY!

Seemingly an easy task, for me it's a major exercise in brain re-training. Someone asked me last week if I had any new year's resolutions and I said, without really thinking about it, "Well it's not really a resolution but I'm trying to change the way I think."

And I am trying, really hard. I've been dipping into a few self-help, life-coach, raising your self esteem-type books and some of the things they say have been starting to drip into my brain. (It takes reading pieces of advice at least three times for them to have any impact on me, as my brain is very stubborn.)

My major problem is comparing myself with other people - everyone about everything all the time. My old therapist said that considering this, it was no wonder that I was so tired! So while, obviously, I've had a few blips, the year has started well for me. I'm doing more sport as it makes me feel good and I even cycled to work last week. I'm realising that being outside and being active not only makes me feel better, it stops me from thinking and comparing myself with others. Whereas spending too much time on the internet, which often results in me getting jealous about what other people are doing, makes me feel worse. So while I am going to continue blogging it's going to be more sporadic - maybe once or twice a week.

I'm trying to remember that whatever anyone else my age is doing, they've had different life experiences from me and different genes from me and so respond to things in different ways. I'm trying to like myself and not be so self-critical and I'm realising that I'm not a bad person or a failure for getting depressed. Umm, being happy isn't so easy for me but as I said, the fight goes on.

YAY! Emily-Angel had her transplant last night. :) Finally after her long, long wait - 22 months, I think - the call came. She had to wait six hours to see whether the lungs were good enough....AND they were so she was whisked down to theatre for the big op.

Everything seemed to go well and she even opened her eyes and smiled today, just hours after the operation. There's just no stopping that girl. Hurrah!

For the latest news please see her blog.

Oops! Forgot to wish you a Happy New Year! So, err, Happy New Year and here's to a great 2007. (Don't want to assess 2006 too much but let's just say 2007 is going to be bigger, brighter and better.)

However, another post gives me the opportunity to post some pics of the hugely successful* Starbucks protest in Leeds in December. Here's me looking like a Michelin woman and H using any excuse to wear his favourite reindeer cap.


Below: My friend Emily (right) and me in full campaigning mode and H in full reindeer mode. Question: Why am I the only one who looks MASSIVE?
For more images of us honorary Loiners (it's the word for Leeds' people y'know) click here and for more info about the badness of Starbucks see here.

*There were more than the three of us campaigning. Oh OK, only a few more. But at least we had a presence, helped by my 24 layers.

Long time no see (or read or write) but here I am back to my sofa snuggling position complete with duvet, laptop and radio, ready to reveal all. Or maybe not, as that would take a very long time as there were quite a few ups and downs, and also, I am trying to start the year on a positive note so all negative thoughts are being banished. Forever. Or at least for now.

So I hope you had a great Christmas. I did and am glad I didn't cancel it as I had tried to do at the beginning of December when I was feeling very unfestive and grumpy and wondering what the point in it was. But hey, it's fun, isn't that enough? I even got an alpaca which is totally cool AND ethical-like. Cue visit to nearby alpaca farm on the next available sunny day. Hurrah!

Positive thought for the day: I'm soooooo glad I didn't agree to work today. I'm a sleepy old me and although I wrote a long list of jobs to do, I don't think I'll be doing many of them; real life can wait one more day.