Fight the fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.

Well the news from here is pretty good. I've decided (purely because I really can't cope anymore with being grumpy and depressed the whole time) that I'm going to be HAPPY!

Seemingly an easy task, for me it's a major exercise in brain re-training. Someone asked me last week if I had any new year's resolutions and I said, without really thinking about it, "Well it's not really a resolution but I'm trying to change the way I think."

And I am trying, really hard. I've been dipping into a few self-help, life-coach, raising your self esteem-type books and some of the things they say have been starting to drip into my brain. (It takes reading pieces of advice at least three times for them to have any impact on me, as my brain is very stubborn.)

My major problem is comparing myself with other people - everyone about everything all the time. My old therapist said that considering this, it was no wonder that I was so tired! So while, obviously, I've had a few blips, the year has started well for me. I'm doing more sport as it makes me feel good and I even cycled to work last week. I'm realising that being outside and being active not only makes me feel better, it stops me from thinking and comparing myself with others. Whereas spending too much time on the internet, which often results in me getting jealous about what other people are doing, makes me feel worse. So while I am going to continue blogging it's going to be more sporadic - maybe once or twice a week.

I'm trying to remember that whatever anyone else my age is doing, they've had different life experiences from me and different genes from me and so respond to things in different ways. I'm trying to like myself and not be so self-critical and I'm realising that I'm not a bad person or a failure for getting depressed. Umm, being happy isn't so easy for me but as I said, the fight goes on.