Very happily I can say that today was better than yesterday and while yesterday I was convinced that my life consists of many days like that, in reality they just attack me every now and again.

I knew that my reaction yesterday was extreme but I could do nothing about it. Once I was started feeling awful, I was trapped that way for the rest of the evening. Nothing anyone said would make me feel any better and I was just glad when yesterday was over.

My feeling rubbish started with a criticism, in fact it wasn't even a criticism but that's what I perceived it as and how I perceived it was all that matters. I can't take criticism like a normal person and Alice (my old therapist) told me that this is because when someone says something negative about me, it triggers memories of all the other times people have criticised me and this, combined with the fact that it reinforces my own beliefs about myself, creates a momentum that has a much greater effect that the original incident and can temporarily destroy me.

Now, looking at yesterday I can see why it happened; I can see the triggers that were there throughout the day and the past jobs and insecurities they brought with them. It was also important for me to write about it because the fact that I haven't blogged about feeling like that before means I really haven't had to deal with these situations recently. One of the reasons for this is because they are often linked to work situations but now I've realised this, I guess the next thing to do is to try and find a coping strategy so I can nip these 'negative attacks' in the bud and stop them spiralling out of control.

And if there's one positive message I can take from this it's that I may have been mad yesterday but I'm not mad today.