YAY! Have been all smiley and happy today. And what have i been doing? Sitting on a bus for hours on a rainy misty day and lugging my ridiculously heavy rucksack (even though I have culled quite a bit of stuff) around. And that's what makes my happiness even cooler - I was all happy inside. Yay! My KI happiness has returned.

I was sitting on the bus all smiley which has only ever been known in the past (before KI) if it has been caused by something -usually exam results or maybe boys...but there was nothing really that made me happy today. Well except being me. I know, something else i thought i'd never ever write. How could i? I've hated being me since I was about 12 but now i like being me again, and it's such a cool feeling.

When Penny was cross with me last week i was a bit upset but her criticism didn't make me crumble and cry and collapse on the floor in a heap of rubbishness as if i was the most useless thing ever to exist on this planet as it would have done in the past. At first i thought it was because i was feeling more confident but then i realised why i was feeling more confident. I was feeling more confident because i know i am a good wwoofer and work hard. (Not too hard though. Min Wook in Warrnambool would work all day and i tried to tell him no, no, no because it gives other wwoofers a bad name as the deal is half a days work. Now I understand so much more about speed of work and unions and accepted work rates...)

And i was feeling good because i've met and worked with lots of new people and they've liked me so if Penny doesn't like me then that's her problem not mine. I know pretty groundbreaking stuff. Think I need to tell Richard (ye olde therapist) about this. And then a day or so later I realised that my self-confidence was actually emanating from the fact that i actually liked myself and that other people like me too. It was a cool feeling.

But Penny and Rob did like me and I was sad to go this morning and they said I could go back or if I got ill and needed somewhere to go i could hang out there. And then i realised that everyone i've stayed with in oz and nz has said i could go back. Averil from Servas (peace org where you stay for free in order to promote understanding between different cultures) who i stayed with for a couple of days in Christchurch also said i could go back when i leave nz or if I got ill and needed somewhere to go and rest. The coolest thing i did with her was go to the beach where we harvested mussels from the rocks and came home and cooked them. Also i had my first nz lamb in nz.

In Oz, KI peeps said i could go back as did Ray at the yha, Caroline, Ruth's friend in Adelaide, Andrew and Maureen (servas peeps) in Adelaide, Jono (rob's bro), Jo and the wwoofing people in Warrnambool. I think that's everyone.

Also i remembered how nervous i'd been when i first rang Andrew and Maureen even though I'd met their daughter Hannah in the uk but now i can phone up random people and go and stay with them and fit in and live as part of their family as easy as pie.

So yeah, am feeling pretty chuffed with myself.

YAY!