What a horrible week this is turning out to be.


I was woken this morning by the phone ringing which didn't worry me as I thought it was someone who lift-shares with H. But it wasn't, it was for me. I knew as soon as H passed me the phone that it was bad news because no one rings me at 7 o'clock in the morning.

It was my sister, telling me that Beale had died.

I've just read that last sentence again and it seems so awful to see it written there in black and white. The only reason I'm able to write this at all is because my happy pills are numbing the pain a bit. It makes me feel bad though because it makes me feel that I'm cheating Beale.

My sister told me that my mum had got up at about 4am and Beale was lying on the floor in the sitting room, which is something she doesn't normally do. She was making a few un-Beale-like sounds and when my mum got closer she realised that her breathing was laboured. My mum then woke my sister, who has been at home for the past week, and they tried to give Beale some food. She wouldn't eat but she had some water which she lapped up. Then she wanted to go outside but as she got up her back legs were all wobbly and she couldn't walk properly. She managed to go outside and go to the toilet and then she lay down in the soil. Mich then went to see her. I think he knew that she was very ill and wanted to say goodbye.

Next my mum rang the vet, which luckily had a 24-hour emergency line, and after hearing about Beale's symptoms, they said she needed to come in. So at 5am this morning my mum and sister and Princess Beale (in the recycling box with blankets) drove to the animal hospital where they did all doctor-like things and took her pulse and listened to her heart and chest. She even had a little cat-sized oxygen mask to help her breathe. My sister asked the vet to take it off for a second so she could kiss Beale goodbye as they had to leave her so the vet could do some tests.

My sister said the beautiful fluffy one had tried to get out of the box in the car so she thought she was going to be alright but an hour later the vet rang to say she'd died. :( :( :( :(

Beale had been too weak to have the anesthetic she needed before having an x-ray and too weak to have any blood taken. They'd put a tube down her throat to clear her airways and had tried to resuscitate her when her heart stopped. But she was just too weak. Poor Princess Beale, she just wanted to sleep.

The special-fluffy-furry one had a heart murmur which she'd had for a few years but she hadn't been ill with it. However, over the last few days she had been sleeping a lot and hadn't been outside as much but as she slept a lot anyway it was difficult to tell that she was ill. The vet thinks that because her heart had to work harder to compensate for the murmur it made it weak. She said the reason she was having trouble walking was because her legs weren't getting enough oxygen as her heart couldn't pump the blood around her body which is why she had been sleeping more recently. But she also said that at least she'd had these past two days in a relaxing happy environment with lots of love and attention from my sister.

Beale was beautiful with fantastic colouring and tiger stripes on one side of her face and everyone who saw her said so too. (Except that is, for the first vet she ever saw who said she was half-wild but that was just because she didn't like him and was obviously taking sensible precautions by running away and hiding behind the back of the cupboard.) She was always very clean and would wash herself for hours with her sweet paws which were the cutest, softest, whitest paws you've ever see. She was so, so soft and would lie on my bed for hours and would let me tickle her gorgeous white tummy while purring loudly like a tractor at a purring decibel that only a Beale could reach. Stroking Beale's tummy could relax me like nothing else.

She'd curl right up into a ball so you could she her ginger and black and white markings on her back and my sis would call her gerbil. It'll be boring next time I go home and there won't be any pawing at the window to wake me up and no Beale to let in. She was always be finding new dens, her latest of which was in a seed tray in Doreen's (who lives next door) shed. Doreen couldn't remember Beale's name, well it is officially Kitzy Meredith Glynn (bit of a long story there)! Instead she called her Mummy Puss, which I thought was so cute, as she'd had a litter of three kittens ten years ago, just before her first birthday. We've got the seed tray from Doreen's now and are going to plant some flowers in her memory.

I'm just so glad my sis was at home for Beale's last few days as Beale always liked me and my sister best. They had lots of quality time together and cuddles and strokes and Beale got to do some more modelling, which she loved, and my sister got to take lots more photos of Beale, which she loved. I know Beale was happy going to the vets with my sister stroking her and talking to her the whole time because she knew she was adorded. I'm also pleased that I saw her only a couple of weeks ago. Here is another pic of Mich and Beale from my sister's lastest photo shoot.

Bye, bye Beale. I love you and I miss you. xxxxxxxx