Ahhh sleep glorious sleep (and a few crazy-weird dreams which I could've done without). I woke up at lunchtime today as I needed lots and lots of shut eye because I had to get up at the stupidly early time of 5.45am yesterday morning to go racing with H.

Luckily the race was at Donnington Park (near Nottingham) which is one of the nearer tracks to Leeds and it only took us an hour and a half to get there. I managed to sleep a bit in the car and some more when we got there, so was in a remarkably non-grumpy mood. H's first race went well and he was up to seventh and holding his own against supposedly faster cars, until that is, he went a bit wrong (over-steered or under-steered or something) on a corner and ended up in the gravel at the side of the track. At least he chose the corner I was standing near to perform his gymnastic move so I got to see him spinning round in all its glory!

In the second race he was doing quite well in the middle of the field until someone decided to crash and the race was red-flagged which means the race ended right there and then. It was a shame because H's godmother had come to see him but I think she had a good time and it was nice for me to have company and to have a conversation on a race day that wasn't about cars and racing and things I don't understand.

So yesterday was a good day and so was Saturday as my mum was here in the morning and in the afternoon I was able to go to a supermarket (OK, I know I'm not meant to go to them but sometimes you just have to and at least it wasn't Tesco) without finding the whole thing excruciatingly draining. Then I came home and cooked some brownies (with extra chocolate, of course) which if I do say so myself are the best things I've ever made. Afterwards I continued doing housewifery stuff by making a bolognese source for dinner which wasn't as nice as the brownies but then it didn't have chocolate in it, so how could it have been?

The really good thing about Saturday was that I had felt really tired in the morning but somehow that disappeared in the afternoon as my energy levels shot up and I was able to do normal life things like a normal person. Hurrah!

But the most, most, most, most, most important thing about last week is that sometime on Thursday, I started to think differently or maybe I should say more normally. For the first time in a very long, long time (maybe ever) I didn't feel that I was trapped in my life. Hallelujah!

Yes, I think that needs to be paused and reflected on for some time.

Pause...

Reflect...

OK, I think that's enough time for pausing and reflecting.

I started to think that I CAN do the things I want to do and also (maybe I should touch wood here) I started to believe in myself again.