I have an apology to make. It's to my blog. Saying my blog's boring, is a bit harsh, after all it's me that makes it boring. If anything, I should be saying a big 'thank you' to my blog for putting up with me writing so much grumpiness and grumbliness.

I really think that writing my blog and the support I've received from people reading it has helped me so much to get where I am today. And I think I really have come a long way since I started it. You can never be too sure as these things go up and down and of course, some days are good while others make you think you haven't gone anywhere except backwards.

In six months, what's happened? Well in conventional terms not much but in me terms, I think I'm starting to become the person I want to be and the person I should be. My confidence is definitely on the up, I'm much less tired (for whatever reason that may be, I still haven't got to the bottom of that one), I'm doing loads of things that I'm actually enjoying and even shock, horror, looking forward to. So overall I would say I'm much happier. A big hurrah for that.

Would I have made this much progress without my blog? I don't think so. Having a blog enables me to write things down and then move on. I can write things down on hundreds of pieces of paper but it doesn't really do anything, it doesn't shift a feeling or thought or help that much. But, like having a therapist which did really help me, writing down my feelings and publishing them to the world (even if the world doesn't read then) lets me get things out of my system. It helps.

And I've really needed the help. Moving to Leeds hasn't been easy, not only did I have a vastly reduced support network but the psychologist at Seacroft was worse than useless. To top if off she decided to totally discharge me in the summer (much to the horror of my gp) when I could've really done with some support and help.

So I looked to my blog readers for support and I received lots of it and while things aren't totally sorted at the moment, I know that not doing my course was the brave thing to do and was (I'm as sure as I can be) the right thing to do. The reason for this is that I'm feeling so much better in my self. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I started to believe in myself again and I can't tell you how much of a sea change that is. It's as if, deep inside, I have a feeling that things are going to be alright and that even if they aren't, I think I can cope with that too.