OK, so maybe it's better to just do things - go to college and go with the flow. Just 'do' rather than think and question and wonder and worry. But if you just 'do' how do you know you're on the right track?

A combination of extreme eyes-hurting-when-open tiredness and big questions about my future left me a bit worse for wear at the weekend. Apparently, I've got choices which I should relish but, as usual, I just feel trapped.

My big question is whether to do my course next year or not? As I've said on this blog before, the second year is aimed at getting you on a degree which I don't want to do... My reasons for doing my course would be to give my life structure and so I don't have to go through the horror of looking for a job which I don't think is good enough. I would probably enjoy it but I'm not sure my heart's really in it. I mean, is this what I want to be doing with my life? Now I'm feeling a bit better maybe I should try and get a part-time job...

Thinking this, last night I decided to search the internet for jobs which was pretty depressing. My enthusiasm waned after about ten minutes of not finding the 'perfect job' which is a pretty difficult task anyway and even more difficult when I don't even know I'm looking for. Also, it brought up all those questions about what job I want to do and more importantly what job I could get both skill-wise (my eternal problem - a journalist who can't spell and doesn't have a clue about grammar) and physically (a whole other can of worms).

By the way, today is World Environment Day which we marked at college by throwing away loads of things which could've been re-used like palettes, jam jars, brushes, paper and wood. We have to clean our studio in preparation for the exhibition and being so ruthless broke my heart, so I just had to pretend I wasn't me and chuck stuff away with the best of them. (Of course, I did smuggle some paper home to recycle!)