Hello world. It's me, Lucy.

I'm nearly back.

I'm showing signs of progress, apparently.

What's happened since i came home? Basically it's been a complete disaster. I've sort of had a drug-induced breakdown.

I reacted to the drugs in hospital; to the IVs, to the ADs. And circumstances meant that i took the ADs for too long and then was told just to stop them (instead of coming off them slowly) so suffered awful withdrawal effects too. It was horrendous. It still is quite horrendous.

Like anything that goes wrong, there's a million little things that happen for it to go wrong - otherwise it would be OK. It should never have happened. This is what i keep saying and everyone just tells me that there's no point in saying it. But i just keep saying it anyway.

I can accept coming back from Thailand now but I'm finding it very hard to accept that the past six weeks (the worst of my life) have been drug-induced. That feeling so awful and so ill has been so unnecessary. I know that my state of mind didn't help and apparently my reaction was an idiosyncratic one, but still...it's so hard to accept, all of it.