OK. it's all gone a bit wrong. but here i am in the business lounge at Bangkok airport which has FREE internet access and is so v exciting and cheering me up. Also the fact that i am in the business class lounge becuase i'm waiting to see if my 'world traveller seat' is available as the world traveller section of the plane is overbooked and as i was the last person to book, i get to hang out here and wait to see what seat i have. Also obviously i'm totally lowering the tone of the lounge in my crumpled trousers and hoody, both with holes in them.

So yes, i'm going home. now it seems a bit of an over-reaction as i feel better than i have done in ages...

Basically i've made one million bad decisions and i've slept terribly since i've been in thailand and just haven't been able to get over anything. i've had this fevery headache thing for about three weeks now (altho i've had a couple of days when things have been better) which started just before the trek (which probably constitutes one of the worst decisions i've ever made altho, again, what made it worse was that i couldn't sleep on it) and last week i had a fever so bad i honestly thought i was going to die and was scared to go to sleep in case i didn't wake up.

Think also i stayed at you sabai too long thinking it was relaxing and i could get better there and while i did get better for about a day, i got sick again-my stomach was completely messed up (that was my fault as i just wasn't paying it the attention it deserved - forgetting how constipation is a serious problem for me). I'm not sure how these things are all linked but i guess they are. anyway i got complacent and over-confident when in reality i was shattered when i got to Thailand.

The reason i'm here now is that i can't sleep at all. i went to see a chinese doctor y'day and he said that my immune system was really, really weak and told me to do nothing but rest for three days but i couldn't, last night i just stressed and stressed. basically i've lost too much weight, have no energy and as the good doctor said, my immune system is shot - i just don't have the energy to fight any bugs should they try to attack me. also my stomach was proving really difficult to manage altho i did find some good meds in the pharmacy there and i've had enough of feeling headachy and dizzy.

Y'day i decided not to come home and i was thinking that that was a terrible decision (because today's ticket cost about 200pounds more although i'm less cross about this because if i don't get my allocated seat i get money back and also i'm getting these nice perks including rapid transit through passport control) because when i went to the travel agent to ask them for the next flight out it wasn't for a week and i panicked. I know you can get standby tickets but i didn't want the hassle as i had to fly down from Chiang Mai as well and obviously i am actually ill. also i don't have a credit card at the moment. (more me getting too stressed and not sorting out stuff properly)

Probably i should just be glad i'm not more ill -altho i have a flight to london to catch so i should probably keep quiet about that.

As i said to my sister when i thought i was dying. I don't regret going to Thailand. i'm really glad i went and i'm really glad i went on this trip-it's by far t he best thing i've ever done in my life and now all i have to do is tell the tale