When my mum found me on Sunday, I was a mess. I wasn’t difficult to find as I was in my house but I was lost.

It sounds stupid given what I’d written on my blog on Saturday but I really hadn’t thought of the implications of Henry moving out. It hadn’t crossed my mind that while I’d been seeing him every week or so to sort out things, I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. And then the bombshell; when would I see him again? Maybe I’d never see him again? In my tearful state everything seemed equally possible and anything was likely to make me start crying.

My mum had brought some food with her and it was then that I realised how hungry I was and that it was no wonder I was feeling so bad as I hadn’t been eating properly. I've been rubbish at cooking for myself and surviving on cereal, jacket potatoes, fruit and far, far too many sweets. The addiction had returned and like any addiction, once it kicked in, required constant feeding.

Today with some proper food inside me, I feel better.

And I feel better too for talking to my mum. For the last ten years, I’ve lived in the past, the past before the last ten years. The past, mostly regrets, a lot of upsetness and unhappiness and depression. A lot of memories I want to block out and periods of time, I wish I could just cut out of my brain – the only way I can see myself being free of them. And now, those ten years adding to my earlier memories which makes me feel even worse. Worse because of how depressed I've been which makes me more depressed for being depressed.

We did a lot of talking which really helped me and I began to see, maybe for the first time, (although it’s always difficult to say and who knows what I'll feel like tomorrow?) my past as being separate from myself. I saw it as something that has happened, so that I can now step away and look at it for what it was, rather than what it is. Is this the start of a new me? Maybe but I know it’s not going to be easy. However, the fact that I can detach myself and float above my past (even for a day) is surely a good thing.